Finding Myself Challenge (Prod. BubbaGotBeatz) - Instrumental -



On finding myself

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Most days, when I awaken
I don't know who I am.
Sure, I know my name, address and
How to find my way home if lost,
But the real me, is often lost.
Early in the day I raise a rhetorical finger
Just to gauge the way the wind is going to blow.

I know who I'm not.
I'm no longer a nurse, not really.
I'm still a wife and a mother
But the kids are grown
And getting on with their own lives.
I'm happy about that but I do miss
The old days when they needed me,
And we interacted everyday.
There was such a sense of purpose
In all of that.

Chronic disease and daily pain
Have skulked into my life
Stolen my energy and health
And robbed me of my identity.

I know I'm not my disease.
I know I'm not my pain.
You see, I know what I'm not
But that's not the same as knowing
Who I am.

I find it helpful to keep it simple.
I like to think like a child
Which I must admit comes easily for me,
Because it helps me
Find my way home.

Some days I am a turtle,
Hiding myself beneath a shell
For safety, for shelter, for hiding out
From the rest of the world.
I don't even answer the doorbell
On those days.
Turtles can't reach the knob.

Other days I am evil personified
Cruella deVille, watch out.
Pugnacious, mean-spirited
Ready to kick life in the teeth.
Is it revenge, anger or some part of me
Reaching out to live?

So often after evil days
Life takes on a special meaning
And I feel like a seagull,
Flying high, soaring on the winds
Of life.
On those blessed days,
Life has a special sweetness,
A brighter light,
A melodic harmony,
A richer hue.

On the days I rise
I find the real me.
I am those I love.
I am the me that soars
And transcends this pain,
If only for a moment, an hour,
And if I'm lucky
A day.

-Sue Falkner-Wood

Last Updated:10/25/2007
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Date: 11.01.2019, 11:57 / Views: 44591