Finding Myself Challenge (Prod. BubbaGotBeatz) - Instrumental -
On finding myself
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Most days, when I awaken
I don't know who I am.
Sure, I know my name, address and
How to find my way home if lost,
But the real me, is often lost.
Early in the day I raise a rhetorical finger
Just to gauge the way the wind is going to blow.
I know who I'm not.
I'm no longer a nurse, not really.
I'm still a wife and a mother
But the kids are grown
And getting on with their own lives.
I'm happy about that but I do miss
The old days when they needed me,
And we interacted everyday.
There was such a sense of purpose
In all of that.
Chronic disease and daily pain
Have skulked into my life
Stolen my energy and health
And robbed me of my identity.
I know I'm not my disease.
I know I'm not my pain.
You see, I know what I'm not
But that's not the same as knowing
Who I am.
I find it helpful to keep it simple.
I like to think like a child
Which I must admit comes easily for me,
Because it helps me
Find my way home.
Some days I am a turtle,
Hiding myself beneath a shell
For safety, for shelter, for hiding out
From the rest of the world.
I don't even answer the doorbell
On those days.
Turtles can't reach the knob.
Other days I am evil personified
Cruella deVille, watch out.
Ready to kick life in the teeth.
Is it revenge, anger or some part of me
Reaching out to live?
So often after evil days
Life takes on a special meaning
And I feel like a seagull,
Flying high, soaring on the winds
On those blessed days,
Life has a special sweetness,
A brighter light,
A melodic harmony,
A richer hue.
On the days I rise
I find the real me.
I am those I love.
I am the me that soars
And transcends this pain,
If only for a moment, an hour,
And if I'm lucky
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