How To Break Up With Someone Who Loves You The Right Way: A Relationship Experts Shares A Few Tips
How to Stop Dumping Good Partners
So, you've noticed that you have a hard time with relationships. Perhaps being truly vulnerable freaks you out, so you abandon tender and caring relationships for dangerous and unfeeling ones. Maybe you find that you're losing your sense of will and self more and more every day. Or perhaps you find that you are always giving too much in your relationships and you now find yourself empty. Maybe you're riddled with guilt about your existence- how is it fair that you should have so much if it means that another person has less? These things are all a signs of deeper interpersonal issues, and it is going to take time to work through these problems. It can seem impossible to even think of beginning to change these behavior in yourself, and it is an incredibly hard journey. But it is so necessary. So grab a journal, book some time off of your obligations, and prepare to dive in to your psyche.
This article may benefit from a new introduction.
You can help wikiHow by the current introduction, or writing a new one to match the format described in the Writer's Guide. Please remove this notice once this page has been improved. Notice added on: 2014-07-14.
First, identify your personal problems.Think about your past relationships and how and why they have ended. Consider them each and try to find a pattern in your behavior. It can be extremely helpful to keep a journal, tracking your feelings as relationships unfold, or to start a journal now to reflect on the past.
Ask yourself questions about your behavior in relationships.Do you date people who are distant or indifferent, or do you date people who care about you? What are your feelings before, during, and after relationships breakup? Do you love the people who are good to you, or are you leaving them because you have no feelings for them? Do you feel "less than" everyone around you?
Determine your fears and try to face them.Most people are terribly afraid of vulnerability. To let someone near enough to see your faults, flaws, and failures is a terrifying idea. But you can't protect yourself from rejection or dismissal without also protecting yourself from love and being cherished.
Realize that humans are designed to be sociable.We are made to build connections with one another and to exchange energy. You can't spend all your time giving to your partner without ever letting them give you love, too. And you can't spend all your time giving love to a partner that is indifferent and distant. And you can't shrink yourself to minimize the effect of your existence.
Recognize harmful patterns in your behavior.Do you find that you make yourself as small as possible in relationships in order to try to maintain a balance? This could show itself in many ways. For example, starving yourself, slouching, speaking less and less, losing your own sense of will and ambition to cater to the other person's will instead. Self-harm and suicidal thoughts can also be a sign that you are trying to lose yourself to make space for others.
Reflect on your childhood.Have you always been certain that your parents, extended family and friends truly loved you, even when you make mistakes or behave in an "unusual" way, or were you met with constant criticism every step of the way, and made to believe that you were never enough?
Find peace with the past so that you can set yourself free.Being loved unconditionally today will not fix the memories from your childhood of being unwanted or mistreated. Until you can fully deal with the past, and the fears and worries that you've accumulated from it, you will not be able to let anyone love you. You might even seek out relationships where there is no love.
Do some soul-searching to discover any lies you've internalized over the years.There are so many lies we're told in our lives that we let ourselves believe without questioning them. And there are so many lies we tell ourselves, too. Maybe you've always believed that you are not enough, or not worth loving. Maybe you think your flaws are too big for anyone to overcome, or that even though you recognize your worth, nobody else will.
Make a list of these thoughts and challenge them.Eventually you will be able to recognize lies and challenge them immediately, but for now, deal with the past and rebuild your understanding of the world.
Recognize that despite everything, you are worthy of being loved.Avoid feeling guilty for being cared for and cherished. Put yourself in the position of the people who love you: if your friend needed something from you (care, advice, love, anything) you would give it to them without thinking twice. Try to afford yourself the same generosity.
Leave bad relationships.Perhaps there is a potential love interest or a close friend whose behavior is unpredictable- one week they love you, the next they are too cool for you. You do not need people like this in your life. You deserve people who cherish you, accept you, appreciate you, and leave space for you to grow.
Train yourself to accept the love you're given.There are good relationships, and you need to practice accepting the love that you are freely given. This takes time.
Begin to get rid of the apologetic reflex that you may have developed.It is not a favor to be treated like a human being. You deserve to be treated fairly.
Practice, practice, practice!Some days will be better than others, but if you can learn to see every day as another opportunity to open yourself up more to the people who love you, mistakes and bad days won't feel as bad. You are always learning and there is so much room to grow.
- Ask for help. It can be helpful to just say what you're thinking of out loud. Find someone you trust and try to be open with them about the things you're dealing with. Ask them if they can listen to you as you sort through your issues without giving advice or admonishments.
- If you don't think there is anyone in your life right now who can help you in your path to self-discovery, find a good therapist.
- Remember that you alone are responsible for your growth.
- You know yourself better than anyone else, and your goal is to face your issues yourself and find your own healthy solutions.
- If there are people in your life who make you feel guilty for everything you say, do, and need, distance yourself from them. For now, just avoid seeing them totally. Eventually, you might find that you can spend time with them while still distancing yourself from their harmful words and attitudes.
- Give yourself time, and surround yourself with people who are equally patient.
Video: Toxic People: How to End a Bad Relationship
Jo Malone London goes punk We talk to stylist and fashion icon Judy Blame about their killer new collab
Miss America Contestant to Have a Double Mastectomy
How to Open the Hood on a Mini Cooper
Should I Come out of the Closet
Bank of Canada: October 2019 interest rate decision
Could The Duchess’ Dietitian, Louise Parker Help You Lose Weight
15 Movies Leaving Netflix in November
Woez: The App That Combines Uber Tinder For Bromance
Download Onlymyhealth Application
Beet Salad on Greens
Growing Out Bangs 10 Ways to Pin ThemBack
Chic Shoe Buys